You're a womanizer and a bitch.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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