woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
