I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
