hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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