i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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