I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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