the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
