fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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