Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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