How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
