We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
