Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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