Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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