My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your dad touched me again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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