I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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