I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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