its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
