Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My life is pants optional.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
