You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i think i just lost a toe
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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