just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
