and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
