I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
