when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
