My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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