I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
