accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
