Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
