Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
