I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
