D3 body, D1 cock
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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