Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
