Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
