we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize