I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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