dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
