Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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