Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
