Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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