what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
