I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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