I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
