Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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