i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
