dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
