I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
