I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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