ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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