If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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