Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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