His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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