I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize