so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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