Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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