I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
