Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
