I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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