do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
