He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
