two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
