my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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