wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
