I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
