no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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