now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize