just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
