the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
