am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
