In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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