Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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