She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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