You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
