I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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