awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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