Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
