watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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