He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
