I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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