if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
