i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
