He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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