I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
